Its day 18 in the McGregor household and we are beginning to win the war, we’ve seen friends, eaten out and started to resume some fragments of normality. This last week has been tough though, here is how it feels…..
Like we’ve been hit by a brick wall. I feel like the floor has been swiped from underneath me.
A step backwards. The freedom and independence that we had gained back from moving out of “baby stage” with both children has been immediately removed and I feel once again housebound and locked in.
Exhausting. Having been a chilled out Mum, giving my babies freedom to run and explore life, this week I am obsessive, neurotic and paranoid, it’s exhausting.
Unsettling. Will I ever sleep a whole night again? Better still in the same bed as my husband? I’m not even asking for any extras (chance would be a fine thing), just a whole night of kip, in our bed.
Exhausting (again!) Am I now expected to be making wholesome, sugar free meals entirely from scratch every day? At the moment I can hardly find the energy to open a tin of beans. FML.
Unfair. I still feel so bloody cheated by the whole thing, I know I need to get over it but for now I think I want to wallow in a bit of self-pity for a little bit longer, sorry.
Humbling. Take lessons from your children, they are so honest and logical about EVERYTHING. The practicality of this diabetes thing is quite simple for Bobby at the moment, I must learn from that.
Remember to breathe Soph.
Overwhelming. Despite validation from the Consultants that we are managing things perfectly and they are over the moon with Bobby’s progress this week, I still feel I should be doing more.
Its changing me. I need to make myself look in the mirror before I go out the door, I’ve reverted to what I was like when they were new babies, hair up, sweats on, revolting, but thank god for botox at least . I’m resentful that Mr McGregor seems to still appear to be keeping fit, looking handsome and keeping up appearances, I however, am not.
I must have at least one conversation per day that is not about diabetes. Promise.
Overwhelming (again!) Insulin pumps, patches, meters and technology, which one? All? None? I’m overwhelmed with all of the options out there to manage Bob’s diabetes, it’s a minefield of information and I am OBSESSED with researching it all.
Ridiculous. I know this sounds ridiculous but I’m already worrying about him going out and getting drunk when he’s older (he’s currently 5). Will he be able to? Will I follow him everywhere? Whilst this is not important in the grand scheme of things, with us as his parents, its got to be a consideration.
Overwhelming (third and final time). So many wonderful people around us are offering help, I should learn to be grateful, take them up on it and not need to own and control every step of this journey. I know I’m a control freak, I’m working through it.
Confusing. Everyone seems to know best?! Perhaps not. We know Bobby best, we should have confidence in our decisions and not be brainwashed, especially by the mighty Google.
Challenging. I will NOT let this run our lives, it might do in the short term but long term, WE are going to boss this. 100%. We WILL take control back.
Frustrating. I hope Mr McGregor and I might one day view each other as ourselves again, as opposed to people that lose our shit at each other, count carbohydrates and argue over who is responsible for each insulin dose. We do love each other, honestly.
Do one Diabetes.