Its day 18 in the McGregor household and we are beginning to win the war, we’ve seen friends, eaten out and started to resume some fragments of normality. This last week has been tough though, here is how it feels…..
Like we’ve been hit by a brick wall. I feel like the floor has been swiped from underneath me.
A step backwards. The freedom and independence that we had gained back from moving out of “baby stage” with both children has been immediately removed and I feel once again housebound and locked in.
Exhausting. Having been a chilled out Mum, giving my babies freedom to run and explore life, this week I am obsessive, neurotic and paranoid, it’s exhausting.
Unsettling. Will I ever sleep a whole night again? Better still in the same bed as my husband? I’m not even asking for any extras (chance would be a fine thing), just a whole night of kip, in our bed.
Exhausting (again!) Am I now expected to be making wholesome, sugar free meals entirely from scratch every day? At the moment I can hardly find the energy to open a tin of beans. FML.
Unfair. I still feel so bloody cheated by the whole thing, I know I need to get over it but for now I think I want to wallow in a bit of self-pity for a little bit longer, sorry.
Humbling. Take lessons from your children, they are so honest and logical about EVERYTHING. The practicality of this diabetes thing is quite simple for Bobby at the moment, I must learn from that.
Remember to breathe Soph.
Overwhelming. Despite validation from the Consultants that we are managing things perfectly and they are over the moon with Bobby’s progress this week, I still feel I should be doing more.
Its changing me. I need to make myself look in the mirror before I go out the door, I’ve reverted to what I was like when they were new babies, hair up, sweats on, revolting, but thank god for botox at least . I’m resentful that Mr McGregor seems to still appear to be keeping fit, looking handsome and keeping up appearances, I however, am not.
I must have at least one conversation per day that is not about diabetes. Promise.
Overwhelming (again!) Insulin pumps, patches, meters and technology, which one? All? None? I’m overwhelmed with all of the options out there to manage Bob’s diabetes, it’s a minefield of information and I am OBSESSED with researching it all.
Ridiculous. I know this sounds ridiculous but I’m already worrying about him going out and getting drunk when he’s older (he’s currently 5). Will he be able to? Will I follow him everywhere? Whilst this is not important in the grand scheme of things, with us as his parents, its got to be a consideration.
Overwhelming (third and final time). So many wonderful people around us are offering help, I should learn to be grateful, take them up on it and not need to own and control every step of this journey. I know I’m a control freak, I’m working through it.
Confusing. Everyone seems to know best?! Perhaps not. We know Bobby best, we should have confidence in our decisions and not be brainwashed, especially by the mighty Google.
Challenging. I will NOT let this run our lives, it might do in the short term but long term, WE are going to boss this. 100%. We WILL take control back.
Frustrating. I hope Mr McGregor and I might one day view each other as ourselves again, as opposed to people that lose our shit at each other, count carbohydrates and argue over who is responsible for each insulin dose. We do love each other, honestly.
Do one Diabetes.
#doonediabetes 
I think you have all been very brave and have tackled this head on. It was all very acute at the beginning and you were floored. Look at what you have achieved since that first day Sophie, I know it must be hard and completely overwhelming at times but you are a determined young woman who will fight and protect your family.
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You will get through it we did when our d was diagnosed at 5 and shes now 11. The best advice i was given was by a mum in clinic. She said the honeymoon period will finish just as you think you get it sussed, take each day as it comes and go to hosp if has sickness bug. She hasnt not done anything she wanted to do incl school res trips, sport etc. Its hard work but it just comes part of your life. Hang in there x
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Hi Sophie, again, reading your blog takes me right back to 20th July 2014 and the weeks that followed. Everything you’re doing / thinking sounds perfectly ‘normal’ to me when your whole world has just been tipped upside down. Today I can manage half a smile as I remember those weeks with the knowledge that it has got easier. But I do remember feeling like I was back at newborn stage again and that it would never end. Cam is 4 and I also worry about booze in the future so we already have a sports strategy in place, whatever he wants to do! So far the only thing I have found that he is not eligible for is the armed forces (which I am secretly quite pleased about!) There are many famous sports people with type 1 now amongst all the professions.
You will (probably already have) become an expert in diabetes, and other people will be constantly amazed at how much you know and have to deal with, but I know I always feel there is more to learn.
When it comes to cooking, my saviour was remembering that kids are normally quite happy to eat the same food over and over, I started with a few basic dinners and very slowly grew it from there, eggs on toast as a back up is always a winner! I don’t want to preach at you, but remember every single thing you do every day now is trying to help Bobby, we all make mistakes, try not to stress over every high bgl as something you could have avoided with food. Easier said than done, I know!
I also am a control freak, be grateful that you are, imagine if you were someone who couldn’t get their shit together, as I’m sure you’ve heard a billion times now, diabetes needs routine. As a control freak you can do that.
My last pearl of wisdom (ha ha) is with regards to pumps etc, remember, whatever you try doesn’t have to be the only thing, if something doesn’t suit, you change.
Oh and if it’s any comfort I went out on Friday night ( a work do) and spent a good third of the night discussing diabetes as usual, but two thirds of the night about anything and everything else!
Good luck, I’ve gotta go do cam’s bgl before I go bed, fingers crossed it’s a good one or I’ll be thinking of you as I stumble through the house in darkness to recheck. Silke
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